The adventure
I want to start off by saying that this is going to be a long post because it is something I really care about.
So it started off with myself tucked comfortably under my puffy blanket with my body leaning to one side and my right hand holding my phone. The lights were off but I did not want to sleep yet. So I played around in the menu of Whatsapp and decided to update my status. It looks like there is a general trend of statuses where I create a scenery but left the story with an open ending. I decided to continue this weird act of mine. So this is how my brain went "hmm, random object? pole … holding onto the pole. Stairs. Roof top stairs. Yes, I can add this quote in ‘hurry, we going to miss it’". Perfect. So my status ended up being "Grabbing onto the next pole of the stairs, I pulled myself up slowly. ‘Hurry, we going to miss it’". In my mind, I went with a friend to see the morning sun rise on a roof. Strange. This feels familiar. It was about this time when the train in my mind started to turn towards the memory lane …
Sometimes ... I really wonder what it is that causes everything to be perfectly timed for things to happen, for people to meet, for people to bond. Why would I say that? Well it's quite simple...
Since my first year of varsity, I've always went to one place when I wanted peace and quiet. That was the top floor of Mato building. Right at the top of the stairs is a glass door to the roof which is always locked. The university decided to lock these doors because people tend to commit suicide when they cannot handle the study stress and frankly, jumping off a building is quite the popular thing hay. But the steps right in front of the glass door is still fantastic and quite. An introverted corner of mine.
So let's move all the way to my third year of studies. At the end of the year I met this gorgeous lady. Silky hair. Soft personality. Absolutely beautiful eyes. Sorry, I'm getting carried away a little XD. I'm gonna call her Apple for the purpose of this post. So I walked Apple to the Mato building to show her where I would chill. It was almost time for her first class and I think her first class was around that building. As we walked up the stairs, I told her "the door is always locked, but I enjoy sitting on the steps". When we got there, the door was open. This was strange for me. I've never seen the door open. So we stepped outside and we saw a tool box opened in the middle of nowhere. We saw one of the yellow steel doors open and wires hanged inside it. When we came closer to it, we could see that it tunneled down. It seems like someone was working inside there.
I was a bit nervous at this point. I was Scared that something will happen to us. But my mouth refused to say anything. We explored the bottom layer and I asked her if we should check it up there. There was another layer in the middle of the roof. It was like a roof on top of a roof. Didn't know why it had that though. So she took the lead and climbed the stairs. I couldn't understand her emotions at that time when she walked up those stairs with quite a blank face but somewhat serious. Maybe she was also afraid that we would get caught. When we got to the top, I remembered that I learnt a trick from a friend to name random things I saw to knock out the awkward moment. "That pointy building looks cool, I wonder what building it is"; "that must be the IT building" and "you can see the centenary building from here". After a minute or two, my tummy started to shake in slight shyness. I wanted to put my arms around her. I've never done that to a girl before. I remember seeing it on a series before and the main character seemed to like it when the guy did that. So I did it. I was quite proud of myself while I felt the soft shirt she was wearing. She kept silent. I learnt that when girls like something, they just keep quite with an emotionless expression. If the girl doesn't ask you to stop, don't stop doing whatever you're doing so quickly. I pulled my hand away after a short while because I was scared. I really enjoyed that moment I had my arm around her though.
It started drizzling lightly but we didn't have enough yet. We went to the other side of the roof and I asked her to take some selfies with me. I still have those selfies and I'm scared to see them. I love them a bit too much...
We finally had enough of the roof and decided to walk back into the building. Funny enough, we sat down on the steps. Sitting next to each other, we looked out the glass window in front of us. Simply observing people as a side topic. It quickly became quite silent between the two of us. She then turned to me with a smile and leaned in slightly. What I felt was "I'm sorry, I'm neglecting you. I wanna say something to you but I don't know what it is. This is who I am when I go through emotions like this". When she did this, I said "I understand, don't worry". So I decided, I wanted a bit of a cuddle. I wrapped my right arm around her which I felt quite brave to do so and she moved closer up to me which I felt was very warm of her. She laid her head on my shoulder and I smiled. My shoulder is quite boney. Anyone who wants to lie on it is quite someone I wanna remember.
My thoughts looking back
This is the mystery that I am trying to solve. Why did the worker decide to work that morning? Well doesn’t seem like anything is wrong with deciding on which morning you want to work right? Well, what about us deciding to go up that stair case that morning as well? Doesn’t seem like its anything special either. Why did no one else decide to go up those stair case that morning though? Why did the working not catch us out while we were on the roof? Why was it so perfectly planned out like it was a story that only existed in the novels? Why has that never happened ever since?
Apple and I are not together anymore. We came to an agreement to end things because of my problems and right now, I regret making such decisions...
I miss her ...
Why did we have such a good connection, chance, or whatever it is ... Affinity if you like ... If we weren't meant to be together? Did I learn something? I don't even know if I've learnt something from it or not. Was I meant to learn something? Was I meant to learn something from the break up? Was I meant to learn something after the break up when I horribly miss her and holding her hand?
I know friends come and go as always. Someone that is your best friend now might not end up being your best friend in a couple of years’ time because of life paths and choices. But what I am curious about is what brings us together. What causes me to have such a perfect experience with someone at that particular moment? Who determined for me to meet this specific person? Who determined who much experience we should have with each other? Who determined how well our experience with each other should be? Can we control this? Because I really don’t want to mess up my next perfect chance…
I am sure this ocean will let me know the meaning of life once I am ready for it…